I am a little over-protective. Ok, a lot. Fine, fine it’s really pathetic how over the top I am and if you ask my husband he may refer to me as occasionally crazy.
This all started about five years ago when we got the dog. Well, more accurately about four years ago when I started liking the dog. After my mom died I kind of replaced the love I had given her by giving it to the only natural person in my life I would direct that kind of love to… Comet. So because I had given all of this love to him, I was over-the-top protective of him. I think it was a coping strategy of some sort… or maybe I’m just crazy?
Anyway, a few years later, we have a kid and surprise, surprise, I’m crazy protective of her. Mainly at night. I was the new mom who refused to sleep for the first few weeks because she would clearly stop breathing and die in her bassinet. She survived and I eventually slept because I literally could not hold my eyes open for another minute and Kevin flat-out refused to stay awake another night because she would be “fine.” She was.
Fast forward a few months and it was time to go in her crib. She would be in her own room all the way across the hall. The crying was terrible, I was so upset. So Kevin told me if I stopped crying we wouldn’t even have to try her in there we could just move the crib into our room. I perked up a little. Turns out she loves the crib and rolled right over to sleep on her belly. Ummm.. no thanks. I flipped her constantly those first few nights. Finally as exhaustion set [back] in, I let her happily sleep on her belly. She is right next to me so I can see her at all times.
A few nights ago I didn’t go to bed when she did… I used the monitor. It was crazy. She woke up once and was standing in her crib staring at the bed looking for me. She went back to sleep just fine and I stayed downstairs a little longer… like a real adult staying up past 9:30!
Tonight is my first night not sleeping next to her. I’m kind of a mess about it. I’ve only checked on her about 6 times (she’s been in bed for 45 minutes.) She continues to sleep peacefully as I watch TV on the couch and try to feel better (I’m sick, hence not being in the bed.) Here’s to hoping she doesn’t wake up looking for me. In all fairness, Kevin is sleeping on that side of the bed tonight so it’s not even like she’s alone.
Letting go is so hard… Maybe by the time she is 15 she can have her own room! I’m totally sure Kevin would be ok with keeping her in our room… yeah….